Unending Love, Amazing Grace

Our adventure started as soon as we reached the Knoxville airport. DELAYED. Our flight had been delayed two hours. Can you imagine how much more I could have slept in?! ARRRGH! None the less, we were there with PLENTY of time to double check everything, pray and check in. We got to our gate, and crashed. As we awaited our flight to Atlanta, we each tried to squeeze in a few more moments of sleep before the roaring engines would keep us awake for the duration of our travels. We made it just fine to Atlanta, and caught a connecting flight to Los Angeles, knowing that we wouldn't be able to catch the next connecting flight to Korea. However, as the flight came to an end, it looked more and more like we might just be able to make it. The LA airport consists of two buildings, we were to land in one, and run to the other to get on another plane. Knowing this, we hit the ground running. As we reached the second building, we saw that there was only a janitor behind the ticketing desk we were to check in at. You could almost hear our spirits drop, but wait! Sure enough, the assistants came forward and began to check us in. They had already given our seats away, but after a little convincing, and overcoming a slight language barrier, we got them to get us some seats. As soon as we got checked in we took off running through the airport, tore through security, and ran down the concourse with untied shoes. By the time we all reached the plane, we were all glistening with sweat, and panting for breath. We highly doubted our luggage made it to this plane, but there was no way to know. PS: Sorry, mom and dad, for not calling you before I left the country, as you can see, I was just a little busy!

As I was finding my seat, a bearded gentleman shouted at me and asked if I was with lighthouse ministries. As I struggled to catch my breath, and figure out who this guy was, I replied that I was. I soon found out that him and the guy next to him were the two guys from Virgina that were joining us for the trip. They were both excited that we made the flight and we found our seats. This began one very very very long flight. Our team was spread out all over the plane since the ticketing counter had to reassign our seats, and so each of us had to entertain ourselves for the international flight across the Pacific. I didn't really want to read, watch TV or a movie, so I prayed that God would show me some way to pass the time. Not a second after I began my prayer, I saw the lady next to me had a Bible in the pouch in front of her. I politely asked if she was a Christian pointing to her Bible. She replied, "Yes, I am." THANK YOU LORD, she spoke English!!! Keep in mind that I was on a Korean airline with mostly (you guessed it!) Koreans. Come to find out, she was Filipino, and spoke fluent Spanish and German, too! I began telling her a little about myself and the mission trip we had just embarked on. She told me that she wanted me to grab something out of her suitcase, she had a gift for me. I curiously complied and grabbed the book she wanted me to get. She had apparently just published a book, about the rewards of faithfulness, and wanted me to have her only copy. I was honored and spent most of that flight discussing the material of the book, as well as testimonies to the greatness of the God we serve. I was so humbled that God honored such a simple and selfish request, so I wouldn't be bored. He truly is a loving and caring God.

We landed in Korea, still with no idea as to whether we would get our luggage at all for the trip. For all we knew, our luggage could be waiting in Bangkok as planned, or it could take up to two weeks to get back to us by then it would be to late. We spent some time sharing stories of how each other survived the boredom of such a long flight with no friends, and took some well needed rest. We only had one more flight until we could grab a bite of REAL food, and lay in a REAL bed, so we could catch up on some REAL sleep.

Our flight to Bangkok was uneventful, there was still a lot of talk in the air about the possibility of our bags making it, but it was all speculation. When we got to Bangkok, we went through customs, and approached the baggage check. Prayers were being muttered, and I had all my fingers crossed. But all for not. Our bags hadn't made it. Thankfully, Dave and Shane's bags made it just fine. But we all sat around while Lewis dealt with the baggage representative. After a while, Lewis came back with some good news. Our bags would be making it to Phnom Penh in a couple days. So without our check luggage we all piled into a couple taxis and headed to the hotel. Once we all got settled in, we all met back outside to run to the store to grab some needed toiletries that were not in our carry ons. The hotel we stayed at was pretty nice, it had a narrow, steep, winding stair case or a ridiculously slow elevator to choose from. It reminded me a lot of a hotel in Rome I had stayed at. The rooms had a couple full sized beds, a full bath, and a little kitchen area. All in all, it was much better than sleeping in an airport concourse. The next morning we all headed downstairs to meet for breakfast. Lewis took us to a place where he had eaten when the last Superbowl was on, and he shared some stories of times he had been in Bangkok before. The breakfast was great, I had some Tom Yum Soup which was like a spicy shrimp soup. It was very good! We then headed back to the airport to finish our flight schedule. Just one more connection, Phnom Penh. Most of us didn't have any luggage to check, and so things were pretty easy going. We even had some time to stop and get some VERY nutritious Dairy Queen. (it keeps our immune systems running strong)



When we landed in Cambodia, we found Vutha there to greet us. We loaded up what bags we had into what looked to be the most comfortable truck in the world (see top of post), and all found a seat. We somehow managed to all fit on the tiny seats, with all of our luggage sitting in the middle. Lets just say that leg room was not an option for me. Yeah, that's me in the very back. Phnom Penh was much louder than what you might expect. There was traffic everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Lewis describes the traffic well by saying it is very much like liquid. Scooters zip in and out of lanes dodging sometimes on coming traffic, and sometimes just slow cars. Bicycles run the sides of the roads, and cars just lay on the horn, expecting everyone to yield to them. We saw at least two accidents on our way to the restaurant. Accidents will shake you up, whether they are common or not. Thankfully, we didn't see anyone get seriously injured, but it doesn't take much imagination to think how bad things could be. It was times like these that we knew we had people praying for us, because there is nothing we could have done if someone came hurtling into us. We decided that we would leave Matt and Bob in Phnom Penh until our luggage arrived at the airport. The rest of the team would head on to Kampot, and begin work on the building.

When we got to the restaurant we all huddled around a massive round table with a very large lazy Susan in the middle. This would be our first Cambodian food of the trip. We all examined the menu to find things that would not destroy our insides. We all introduced ourselves to each other, vutha, Lewis's daughter and the two older girls from Heritage House. We then all piled back into the truck, dropped Matt and Bob off at a hotel, and started our long ride to Kampot. Things were bumpy to say the least on that ride. We were all pretty tired, but still had to stand up from time to time, just to stretch our legs. As we watched the road fly past the back of the truck, we could see poverty, gambling, tin roof shacks and shed's with hammocks, as well as a lot of rice fields. Towards the end of the ride, we all started singing worship songs. They really lifted our spirits and got us in the mindset for what we were headed into.

The food, I loved the food. The first place we tried, the CoCo House, seemed to hit the bulls-eye. It was a tiny little place with no more than about ten small tables. We rarely if ever saw anyone else in the restaurant. Our hosts were friendly and we loved interacting with them. They did all they could to make us feel at home. (including playing some very cheesy 80's and 90's karaoke CD's) We soon remedied the music problem by asking to play some Christian CDs we had. They were more than happy to do it for us, and hearing hymns and worship while we ate and discussed the trip helped to lift our spirits even further. We tried a couple times throughout the trip to eat at some other places, but lets just say that the food elsewhere didn't sit too well on our American stomachs. Even when we weren't able to leave the orphanage because of time, Lewis would go the the CoCo House and pick us all up some food. It was easy to say that the CoCo House soon became the La Fiesta of Cambodia. We felt free to share testimonies of the trip, give insights that God had given us, have bible studies, pray, as well look into finding Matt a Cambodian wife. (Unfortunately, people who worked there were unable to come up with one so soon. Sorry Matt!) By half way through the trip, we all had the menu memorized. And by the end of the trip, we all had a "usual" for each meal. Some of my personal favorites were pancakes with key limes and sugar on top. Noodles with chicken or beef, as well as a delicious fruit plate with pineapple, apple, dragon fruit, banana and papaya. We all ate very well, and were mostly able to stay away from being sick for most of the trip.

After our first breakfast, be began the cleaning process. This consisted of cleaning some nearly unbearable bathrooms, wiping away a jungle of cobwebs, scraping scraping and scraping away a tremendous amount of water damage, as well as wiping down a lot of tile. We went through a lot of bleach, bathroom cleaner and took off an enormous amount of plaster. And that was just the inside. Outside there was a lot of over grown foliage, as well as a lot of grime that had to be scraped. And that was just to get the place clean!

After all the cleaning was done, it was time to start the real work. Painting, rescraping, repainting. Bob did a great job rewiring everything so no one would be electrocuted. We also needed to put in a clothes line with some very warped hardwood, and very weak hammers.

When we finished, you could barely recognize the inside, and the outside cleaned up really well. Everyone pitched in, and even the children did an amazing job helping out. Even the landlord was very complimentary of our job! The staff and children of the Heritage House were very happy with all that we got done. It was very satisfying.

While we weren't working, we had a great deal of time to walk around the city and see what there was to see, I truly loved this part of the trip. It was an amazing experience to pass by businesses, shrines, and homes praying and listening to hear what God had to say. God revealed many things to each person in the group, and it was common for the spirit to reveal similar if not exactly the same things to many people at once. I love that our God confirms his words to us! We even found an old church building! Lewis is looking into renting it for the church plant that Vutha is planning.

One very neat thing to me, was to see that how God had filled this city with beauty. Everywhere you looked, there were flowers, and other exotic things. They looked so different from the worn down buildings and trash piles. Every time I saw something like that, it put a smile on my face.

On our last day in Kampot, we took some more time to take in the sights, we went to go see the market where all of the food we ate was purchased. The ground was very dirty, and plants and meat were hanging everywhere. The smell wasnt too bad, but you could imagine it could in the summer months. WARNING: this video does have pictures of the meat and some animal parts.

After spending some time in the market, we decided to go on a boat ride up the river. We all got in this boat that barely held all of us. The rim of the boat was about an inch and a half away from the water, and that was when we had it perfectly balanced and going strait. The views we had were absolutley amazing. And we had a beautiful sunset that made it look like the mountains were on fire. It was truely a blessing from God.

We left the next day for Phnom Pehn, we grabbed a few last dougnuts at the dougnut shop in Kampot and got in the taxi and headed back. I had an amazing time in Kampot, and was missing it even before I left. The taxi ride was cramped, there was two drivers, and nine of us with our luggage in the van. As we were being bounced around, we all wondered how we made it to Kampot in the back of the truck. This van had cushion seats and we were still stiff and sore! When we got to Phenom Penh, we dropped our stuff off at the hotel, and took a couple tuk tuks out to Lucky Burger, and got some good ole american food! We then went to the Russian market and did some shopping. When we were done with that we went out and grabbed some pizza (more american food!)

When we were leaving the pizza place, we were unable to get some tuk tuks, so we all split op on moto taxis....bad idea. The guys all got to the internet cafe we were to meet at, but the girls, with their excellent sense of direction, got lost. (Yes, I am teasing, it wasnt their fault at all) The girls, Heather and Maria on one moto, and Sarah and Roonie on the other, got a nice little night time tour of the city, particularly the rougher areas. There was nothing us guys could do but hope they would show up at the hotel. After a little while, my stomach couldnt handle the pizza much longer, so I split off from the group and headed back to the hotel. The moto taxi I got seemed to be a little on the drunk side. I got a nice little tour myself, and the guy had to stop three times to look at the little map on the card we got from the hotel. (two of those times, he was holding it upside down) I eventually got back, only a few minutes after Maria and Heather did, and as I was walking towards the hotel, I heard Sarah shout my name. Thank goodness they all made it back alright! Sarah paid the driver very happily and ran into the hotel and kissed the ground. We all shared our stories, and then I headed onto bed with a migrane.

When I got up the next morning my headache was gone and I was feeling much better. We went downstairs, ordered some breakfast and all got something different from what we ordered. It seemed only the people at the front desk spoke a little English. After breakfast, we headed to the airport and said our goodbyes to Lewis. We flew from Phnom Penh to Bangkok and had an eight our layover there. We couldnt check our luggage in until two hours before the flight so we had six hours to kill in the main part of the airport. We quickly found the massage place and we spent most of the time in there. I spent three hours being massaged and spend the rest of the time talking with the rest of the group while they were getting pedicures. It was very very relaxing. If we hadnt gotten the massages, I dont think we would have survived the journey home!

We then flew to Seoul, Korea, and had another eight hour layover. I caught up on some sleep and found a free internet cafe. We then flew to San Francisco, and barely made our flight. There were only a few people running security and they were taking their sweet time. We then flew to Atlanta, and had a great time joking with the flight attendants. They were a lot of fun. We landed in Atlanta, and had about an hour before our flight home. I grabbed a bite to eat and stretched my legs. On our last flight home, we were cracking up our flight attendents, we had been going for two days strait and we were acting very goofy. The flight attendants were barely able to make it through the saftey demonstration they were laughing so hard.

We finally landed back home in knoxville at around 10:20pm, grabbed our bags and headed home. So here I am back home in knoxville after an amazing mission trip to Kampot, Cambodia. PRAISE GOD!


PS: Check out Lewis's blog To the Ends of the Earth.

I will rest in you
As the storm blows over
I will rest in you
Because I am safe
I will rest in you
For you are my shelter
In your heart O Lord
I have found my home

Keep me close to you
I dont want to wander
Keep me close to you
I desire your presence
Keep me close to you
I cannot do it alone
In your heart O Lord
I have found my home

Make me new in you
Let my flesh die away
Make me new in you
That I be made holy
Make me new in you
May you shine from in me
In your heart O Lord
I have found my home

I give praise to you
because you are worthy
I give praise to you
for you gave me new life
I give praise to you
because you protect me
In your heart O Lord
I have found my home

I listen to you
in the quiet moments
I listen to you
when all else says not to
I listen to you
Beause you have wisdom
In your heart O Lord
I have found my home

If you have ever met my friend Megan, you have undoubtedly heard the phrase: “Get Excited!” And despite the hundreds, if not thousands, of times I have heard her say it, I still need the reminder to simply “get excited”.

A few weeks ago, I was working on the jobsite with David, when he innocently asked if I was excited yet about my trip to Cambodia. Immediately, I felt my heart fall about four feet to the ground, and I realized that I wasn’t excited. I had spent all my strength worrying about money, and arguing with God. I hadn’t allowed myself to get excited, and I didn’t know how to make myself get excited. I simply smiled and told David I was getting there, but my spirit had struck a blow to my flesh. I knew I was supposed to be getting excited, and I didn’t even know where to start.

I have always been a pretty “dull” guy. There isn’t a whole lot that gets me stirred up, or dragged down. I tend to kind of sit right in the middle, not ever experiencing either extreme. I’m not a robot; I do veer from one side to the other on occasion, but it is never to the point of being truly excited, or depressed. This is something that I didn’t know how to fix other than to pray.

Then, while I was listening to a CD in my car the other day, the song “O Come Let Us Adore Him” came on. This version of it starts with Psalm 126:5: “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.” I felt like God was telling me that if I wanted to feel joy, it meant I had to also feel pain. What I needed to be praying was to feel something…anything. This is a very scary idea for me. I have always considered myself “strong” emotionally. I have control; I don’t get sad, or angry, or hurt. What I soon realized, was I was truly weak emotionally because it was ME in control, not God. Jesus wept, and He is the strongest person I know. He didn’t only shed a tear, he wept. Feeling pain is not a sin, but avoiding it because of fear is.

Having this revelation has not brought me to tears just yet, but it has allowed me to see some walls I have built and allowed to stand for far too long. With the help of my Father, I will be tearing them down as the Lord guides me. It has been many years, yes years, since I have sown in tears. And I don’t expect to turn into a sobbing mess over night. But with God, all things are possible. God is working in me. Get excited!!

Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him.
Psalm 126:5-6

If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.
- John 13: 14-15

I wanted to take an opportunity to thank those who washed my feet today. I have been struggling to raise the needed funds for my mission trip to Cambodia, and one of my friends had the idea of having a car wash. Without me making any arrangements, or putting forth any effort, the entire car wash was planned and prepared for. All I had to do was show up. I had five very dear friends spend their day holding signs, scrubing cars, and sitting in the hot sun hoping for another car to show up.

I spent that time in amazement as each of them spent our dead time texting (as fast as their thumbs could go) all their friends to try to drum up some more bussiness. And when a car did come by, no one tried to get out of helping, we all jumped in and sprayed, scrubed, rinsed, and dried every car. They were eager to help me out however they could.

It was truely a service to me, there was nothing in it for any of them. All the donations are going directly to pay for my part of the mission trip. I honestly wish I could give them something in return for what they have done for me. But all I can do is say thank you, and thank God for the amazing brothers and sisters He has blessed me with.

So thank you,
Sarah, Mauk, Justin, Hannah, and Josiah

You have washed my feet, by washing other people's cars!

I hope some day to wash yours.

Recently I have been struggling to actually sit down and write out some of the things God has been showing me. God has been speaking to me so much, and I have so much to share, but there always seems to be one reason or another for me to delay typing it out. So after weeks of fighting with this, I have decided that it is time for me to call in the reinforcements. I am making this post to ask for prayer for my blog.

Too often God's words cry out from inside me, but somehow I have managed to keep them bound in my mind and heart, never to be seen by others. I cannot stand to take this much longer. I need prayer that I will conquer whatever fear and self deception I have allowed to take place, and through that God given victory, step forward and make a stand for my King.

I have this strong desire to use this blog to bring glory to God, and encourage His followers. And without His help, I cannot do this. So if you wish for a place of refreshment, revelation, and encouragement, please spend sometime asking for God to move strongly through me, to bring such a place to this blog.

Nothing I have written here has come from my mind or heart, but rather from the pure and awesome pen of the Holy Spirit. He is the Writer of my Faith, and the Guide to my Path. Pray that I will rely fully on Him, and allow Him to do His work through me.

I found this online a little while back. It was supposedly written by a pastor in Africa, one night, just before he was martyred for his faith in Christ. Whether or not the back story behind this is true, I have made a decision to stand for what statement this makes. Would you stand with me?

I am part of the "Fellowship of the Unashamed." I have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I've stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals!

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, lean [on] faith, love [with] patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought , compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up, or burn up till I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops.

And when He comes to get His own, He'll have no problems recognizing me. My colors will be clear.

I know my pride has gotten in the way
It holds me back from day to day
It’s stolen so so much from me
I feel as though it’s ruined me
I’ve tried to walk my separate path
But instead I found God’s wrath
I tried and tried, but fell each time
Trying to walk the same ole line

Why can’t I do this by myself
Why must I seek another
My soul is fighting with these thoughts
I don’t know if I’ll recover

I struggle with this every hour
As my faith searches for the power
To overcome this mount of pride
That my heart has built inside
I long for an end to this stupid war
This just isn’t something I can ignore
It overflows my very being
My whole inside is disagreeing

Why can’t I do this by myself
Why must I seek another
My soul is fighting with these thoughts
I don’t know if I’ll recover

The siege of pride, bitterness, and fear
Has taken away all I hold dear
I’m locked away up in this tower
And by myself I lack the power
To burst through all of my opposition
The only way out is through submission
But then again my pride steps in
And there begins a fight again.

Why can’t I do this by myself
Why must I seek another
My soul is fighting with these thoughts
I don’t know if I’ll recover

I cry aloud to the King of kings
To whom my weary soul clings
I ask for victory over this war
My heart is aching and my body is sore
He reminds me that the victory is mine
Just simply obey and all will be fine
But to obey the command to go seek another
Is the very thing my pride tries to smother.

Why can’t I do this by myself
Why must I seek another
My soul is fighting with these thoughts
I don’t know if I’ll recover

I’m not just hurting my own heart
But others who need me to start
To lift up their souls and see
How they can encourage me
I am done with this stupid fight
I have decided to do what’s right
I will take a stand and obey my King
For His is the only song that I sing

I cannot do this by myself
I must go seek another
My soul has defeated prideful thoughts
And His salvation I rediscovered.

I know my pride has gotten in the way
And I’ll need your help to do what I say
I need to do, by sharing with you
I know that this is all overdue
I will open up about what’s with me
But I don’t expect it to be easy
All I ask is that you’ll pray
For my pride to stay way

Jesus, my wise and perfect King
I would lay down my life for you,
I desire your wisdom in my life
I need you to deliver me from my surroundings
I would even go to the cross for you!

Loved one,
Your requests are noble and wise
But your heart is not sincere
Would you really let me be your King?

Yes my Lord,
You are my master!

Then listen to my voice

But Jesus,
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to talk to that stranger
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to take that financial risk
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to take this time to read your word
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to get emotional in front of these people
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to cook a meal for my friend
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to pray to you right now
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to talk about your church
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to stop sinning
I would go to the cross for you
but dont ask me to obey at this moment
I would go to the cross for you
but don’t ask me to raise my hands in church

Am I truly your King?
If so, your attitude would be very different
Your response would be,
"Yes my Lord,I would do these things,
Even if it costs me my life"

Winter was a cold cold season
That left me down for no good reason
Lonely skies without an end
While through the air blew a dead wind
My heart was killed by that winter cold
As it whispered the last secret told
But with that last little breath of life
Ended all my pain and strife

For in that moment I looked to see
A wall of light approaching me
A glorious blast of color filled sky
Caught my dried and weary eye
A wave of warmth overtook my soul
As the wave passed over making its roll
Through all that was surrounding me
As though this world was one big sea
I jumped to my feet to look around
But then I heard this still small sound

It was a voice that I knew I once knew
But I still could not figure out just who
So I spoke back to it to find out more
And then I remembered the distant shore
Where I used to walk with a Friend so dear
And had made a promise to stay near
So I ran to Him, and fell at His feet
As He sat there on His judgment seat
But I wasn’t scared of the words
He hadI loved this man as a son loves his dad

I cried for having lost my way
And thanked Him for this brand new day
Where I can walk in His loving grace
And never turn from His joy filled face

Lord, I praise you with every fiber of my being
There is nothing in me that is being withheld
From this time of complete worship
I give it all to you
This life came from you and I give it all back
Just to know that you have more for me
All you started with was my broken heart
Because I didn’t have anything of worth to give you
But you accepted my gift, and made me yours
What else could I have offered you
What else could I have asked for

I follow you, because I love you
If I didn’t love you, I couldn’t have come this far
But I have never regretted a single step I made towards you
You have filled my cup time and time again
To the point of overflowing and then so much more
Oh Lord God Almighty, may your praises be lifted up
I worship you with just a joyful heart, for I have nothing else
Worthy to praise you with, this body cannot dance
Graceful enough to be worthy of your court, and my lips
They cannot sustain a single note on key
What then, besides my heart, can I bring before you

I ask only for things that I can turn around and glorify you with
I do not ask for anything that would not bring worship to you
If you give me knowledge, may it be to show the infinite understanding you have
If you give me money, may it be to show the vast treasures you own
If you give me a craft, may it be to show the creativity of the Creator
If you give me a gift, may it be to show the promise you made to provide
If you give me a friend, may it be to show that you will never allow me to be alone
If you give me a word, may it be to show the perfect wisdom you share
If you give me a song, may it be to show your awesome holiness
And if you give me grace, may it show your eternal love for me

What else can I do to serve you, I sit at your feet and watch
Waiting for my next task, I remain only yours
There is none like you, allow me to show you to others
Your praises flow from inside me, they burst forth
And your blessings blast me like a tidal wave
They crash into my life saturating all that I am
Is it possible for me to drown in your glory
Oh, I would if I could
To be baptized like a sinking ship
By your truth and life
As your love covers me inside and out
Teach me your ways
That I may walk in your presence
That I may bring glory and honor to you
Oh worthy Lamb of God
King of kings, Lord of lords, Master, Teacher, Father, Friend
You are my all in all, and you hold me up
And close to you, never to leave your side
I am yours, and you are mine
Teach me your grace, show me your love
For with those things, all things are possible
Your wisdom shines light, and separates truth from lie
And is at the taking, should I only ask
And so I ask, I cry out to you, and you reply
In a still small voice, that it is mine
Thank you for everything, because everything I have has come from you
And I seek to glorify you, through everything I have
I thank you, and praise you in the name of Jesus the Christ

Would you look at us
How far we have come
From a band of rebels,
To our own kingdom
Just look at our greatness
And our grand statues
Even our clothes are nice
From our hats to our shoes
There can’t be a way
That a culture like this
Could be brought straight down
And thrown into abyss


Oh how young you are
Oh if only you knew
The things which will come
And the time that is due
For such a nation like this
Will surely crumble and fall
And nothing will remain
Not the short or the tall
With nothing left standing
Not even your pride
You will run to the mountains
And therein will hide

How can this be?
Oh such a crime
How will we know?
When it is time?
Please give us the date
So we can prepare
Please tell us right now
We need you to share!

Don’t be too eager
To hear such speech
For many will come
That they might reach
A following that is
Not truly for Me
But instead is pursuing
My own enemy
They will say “I am He”
The one who has come
To guide you back into
The Lord’s Kingdom
But do not be fooled
By such a man
For not even I know
My Father's end plan
Yes, wars will rage
And earthquakes as well
But these things aren’t the end
Though it may seem like Hell
There will be great famine
And you’ll search for a crumb
It is only the beginning
Of what is to come

Be careful my chosen
For you will be hunted
And brought before counsels
And you’ll be confronted
For all of your dealings
And actions towards me
You’ll be attacked in churches
Oh just wait and see
You’ll be hard at work
Working my land
Only to be betrayed
By a trusted hand.
But do not worry
About what you will say
My Spirit will guide
Your words on that day
You will be hated by all
And will feel mistreated
But you will be saved
And the enemy, defeated

I gave you these signs
Don’t let them die away
For the time is coming
Keep watch for that day
For when it approaches
You won’t want to be caught
If you don’t watch for it
You’ll end up distraught
Looking for a way
To get it all back
You’ll look at your life
And all that you lack
But nothing can be done
To redeem that time
The world’s final hour
Has made its last chime
You should flee as quickly
As your body will go
Don’t go get supplies or
Seek those you know
You must make haste
And find some cover
What the world will go through
You won’t want to discover

It is then, only then
That I will return
I have told you this now
So that you will learn
You won’t hear me proclaimed
Through the voice of a man
But instead I will return
In a way only I can

After the hard times
The sun will grow dim
The stars will all fall
And the sky will look grim
The moon will darken
And shine not its light
And all of the people
Will try to make flight
They will cry out to heaven
And to all they will yell
That this is the day
The day the stars fell

When these things come to pass
Keep an eye to the sky
For it is that moment
That I will pass by
I will be on the clouds
With power and glory
I am speaking the truth
This is no child’s story
My angels will gather
All those who are mine
And take them all up
Up to see the Divine

I have told you these things
So that you will know
For much like a fig tree
After the winters snow
Will stick out its branches
And leaves will then sprout
Showing that summer is
Coming and winter is out.
Please learn these signs
So you won’t be surprised
For many will claim
That it was all disguised
Keep a watchful eye
And a prayerful heart
And with just those things
Your preparation with start

Stay hard after me
And please don’t stray
I will be like a master
Who went far away
Leaving jobs for his servants
To do in his leave
But his return is unknown
So don’t be naive
Would be a shame for you
To be found fast asleep
When the master comes back
Oh how you would weep

So I’ll leave you with one
Final word of advice
Watch, again I say watch
Or you will pay the price.

The book of Mark, chapter 13

Today I was pondering the foolishness of consumerism, (which is the purchasing of products to gain an identity), when suddenly I realized an interesting tendency in my life. I have an addiction to identity. Not necessarily through consumerism, but rather through finding one aspect in my life, and naming that as an identity. I can think back through each “stage” of my life, and think of one thing that would describe who I am. As a child, I was “Martial Arts.” When that was taken away from me, I quickly became “Astronomy.” When that identity was torn down, I didn’t waste much time becoming “Singleness.” And I have found that each time my identity gets stripped away from me, I immediately receive a drive to find another. I feel incredibly vulnerable and worthless without an identity. In fact, the very removal of each of my identities, have felt like a violent tearing down of my very self. Having had another “identity” recently removed from me has left me feeling knocked down and back to square one. But please don’t get me wrong. Having each of these identities taken away from me have been the high points of my life. Never have I been freer from the world, and closer to my Master. Closer to my true identity, which flows from Him.

Before I progress any further, I think I should define what identity means. Identity is the essence of a self-conscious person, that makes him or her uniquely what they are at any one point in time, and which further persists over time despite superficial changes, making him or her the same person at different points in time also. You see, we all have an identity; some show theirs more than others. Even Christ has an identity. His identity was God, and therefore Christ is Love. 1 John 4:7-8. However, just to say that someone is something isn’t an identity. If Christ was changing back and forth from love at one time, and hatred at another, than it would simply be a description of Christ in that moment, not His identity. But we know that His identity of love is continuous even to this day because of Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

As Christians, our identities should be similar to that of Christ. That is why we are labeled Christians. This does not mean that our identity should be Christ, because we cannot all share a single identity. Our identities are what make us different. And as members of the Body of Christ, we should not expect to find another member just like us. Even hands on a body, though similar in appearance and function, are exact opposites of each other. But no matter what, our true identity is something that will flow from the Father, and so we should be seeking Him for it. We shouldn’t be out trying to find something to identify ourselves.

Now that I am back to not having a worldly identity that I can wave around to show everyone, I am once again free seek my identity from God. We are all made to take on an identity, and as such, the desire to do so, is one that God will fulfill. However, we must be careful that we are not out trying to fill that desire with what we think should go there. It will never do the job. Again I will say, it will NEVER do the job. As Christians, we must humble ourselves and receive an identity from another and not just any other, but from God the Father. When we receive our identity from God, we must make sure that it is one that is not only similar but is glorifying to Christ’s identity. Above all, our identity must reflect His Love.

A Love that provides a Path for those who are willing to walk with God. "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Matthew 7:13-14

A Love that provides a Truth, for those who are seeking to remove all deception and sin. For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.Hebrews 4:12

And a Love that provides Life, for those who refuse to be held down by death. “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.”John 5:12

These are the things that should be the structure of our identity.

Once we have the proper structure for our identity in place, it is then, and only then, that we can begin to put everything else into place. This is where seeking the Lord and an openness to the Holy Spirit is vital. I have found that a large amount of humbleness, prayer, reading, and also a great deal of silence, will help in this. I needed humbleness to break down a great many walls that I had put in the path of God. I needed prayer to keep the relationship with the Father alive and healthy. Without that continuous communication with God, I would have been lost as to where the next step was, as well as how to get to that next step. Each and every move that I made was not only covered but drenched in desperate prayer. I also needed Gods Word to be continually open to my gaze. When Scripture is compared to what you’ve been hearing, one of two things will happen. One is that what you believe you heard is shown to be deception, and Gods Truth is put back into its proper place, or what you believe you heard is validated, allowing you to strengthen your faith in the changes God has set into motion. And last, but certainly not least, I needed silence, a great deal of silence, in eager anticipation for God to speak to me. For me it meant turning of the computer, turning off the music, the cell phone, and sometimes even the lights, just so I could focus on Him. I would speak in tongues from time to time, but hushed at the slightest hint that God might have something to say to me. And with every Word I received, I praised our great God, and asked again for more.

Once God Word has been released to us, it is then of the utmost importance to begin making the changes that will be required. Quick obedience should be our goal. Do not let The Thief steal the time God has given you. Look to Abraham as a model for this:

Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham, and said to him, "Abraham!" And he said, "Here I am." Then He said, "Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you." So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son; and he split the wood for the burnt offering, and arose and went to the place of which God had told him.Genesis 22:1-3

Abraham didn’t waste a great deal of time debating with God about what exactly was said. Instead, he arose early the next morning and started on his way. God does not give us a Word with time for us to argue with him about it and then go and do it, we must go and do it when he mentions it in the first place. Once we obey, we begin to step into the identity we are seeking.

Once we begin to step into the identity God has for us, others will be able to see that change in us. God will want to show you off. He is a proud parent, when we obey Him, and as such, he is eager to show us to others, especially those who knew us before the change. So please don’t embarrass Him by refusing the outward changes that come with the inward changes. Every identity we take on has outward characteristics of that identity. For example, astronomy comes with a universal view of things, scientific reasoning, and also really pale skin. Singleness comes with a flexible schedule, “play” money, and a messy apartment. The outward changes can almost be harder to accept than the inward ones, especially in our culture. Appearance is everything to some people, but keep in mind that it means almost nothing to God. What is important to the Father is that the inward you, is also the outward you. So if you do make changes on the inside, prepare to make the same changes on the outside. This will change your perspectives, motivations, passions, as well as actions. Each of these will reflect your identity, but I think the one that tells of the inward change the most is our actions. God’s identity is also reflected by His actions. Take a look at Psalm 23:

The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.

So I would ask you to ask yourself these questions: What is your identity? Is it structured by Love? What are its characteristics? Do your actions reflect what you think your identity is?

If you answer no, or just don’t know the answer to any of these questions, then I would advise that you seek the Lord as to why. When we are given an identity, we become focused to our role in His Kingdom, and alert to anything that comes against what God is doing in us. I know that I am still seeking the answers to these questions, but I know that God loves me, and has an identity for me to grow into. So please pray for me as I continue this journey of change that I have tried so hard in the past to resist, and remember that you all are continuously in my prayers.
*with Love: Jonathan Trentham

Do you see a strong young man
Or see a scared boy running?

Do you look to me for guidance
Or hear my words as nothing?

Do you see a righteous Christian
Or believe that I’m still sinning?

Do you think that I have courage
Or think I fear what’s coming?

Do you see joy inside my eyes
Or think deep down I’m crying?

Do you believe I tell the truth
Or think that I am lying?

I wonder when you look at me
What exactly you do see
Is it something you find holy
Or do you think that I am lowly?

What I say is I am each
And it’s only when I reach
To the Lord who sits on high
And to Him my soul draws nigh
That I start to become the man
Who walks in line with God’s plan

It’s only then, oh cant you see!
That the person who is really me
Steps out from all I used to know
And in Gods grace begins to grow

It’s by His Spirit I walk each day
For without His guidance I would sway
Back to the man I used to be
And change the way you look at me

Thank you Jesus for my new heart
It has given me my new start
Without it I would fall again
And I don’t like the man I’d been
I love the man you made me to be
And all I ask is that all may see
Your Truth and Love and Life in me

I went to work and did my job
But in my heart there was an angry mob
Like something inside me was about to burst
I wanted to dive out of that building headfirst
So much anger and frustration was held up inside
Until even someone like me could have cried
And it was all I could do to hold it all in
While thinking, “if I blow up, would it be a sin?”
As though anger were something thought unchristian
Surely Jesus Christ himself must have been

I held it all in but my smile was gone
I soon closed off and became withdrawn
So I thought to myself “what’s gone wrong”
Should I voice my opinions or should I stay strong
What should I do and where should I go
The answer to these I desire to know
I’m so ready to leave but haven’t the place
So I cry out to You and I seek Your face
I require a change or at least some more grace
I wish I could just leave, but that isn’t the case

I see the Heavenly Father
Through the lens of Jesus Christ
With the power of the Holy Sprit

I see the Messiah Jesus
Through the Words from the Holy Spirit
With the Love of the Heavenly Father

I see the Holy Spirit
Through Grace of the Heavenly Father
With the Church, the Bride of Jesus

Why do seasons change? I ask
As I work through life to do a task
I was surprised I must admit
To find that things had changed a bit
I look around to see the snow.
Where it went I do not know
I turn to God to ask Him “why?”
His reply to me was to “draw nigh”
I went to Him and to His Word
And this is what my spirit heard:

When you focus on one thing
You often miss the change to spring
It’s something I long for you to see
To watch life flow into the tree
And see the grass sprout up and grow
And all of this I want to show

It’s been too long since you looked around
You’ve been so focused on the ground
I need you watching what I do
O I wish you only knew!
What it is I have in store
For those who will seek Me for more
And to take each day as it arrives
Then it's in your spirit My love thrives

Listen child, it’s now I‘m moving
This is the moment to be improving
Every part that you have inside
So all that’s sin in you has died

Spend time in My Word and know It well
From it My Spirit will surely swell
And grow in you and guide your ways
Even until the end of days

And what’s this task you’re working on
I don’t remember me passing it on
Since when did I say to do these things?
It seems like you’re attached to all these strings
You’re a child of Mine and as such free
To do as I say and in all ways be
Able to do everything I ask
Not to be bound by your own task
So follow me, I’ll lead you back
Back to my throne and back on track
There is no fear that you should hold
I need you to stand and to walk bold

Winter season is done, look for change
It will be different, but My love’s not strange
You know it well so abide in it
Don’t turn back, get out of the pit
You’ve dug for yourself that’s o so deep
Just grab My hand and with one leap
I’ll have you back from where you’ve been
And back to Me you will begin
To walk and run and soon will fly
Until not long you will be nigh

I’ve made my plans all on my own
And left your palace and your throne
To chase after things I thought were yours
But in the end were all closed doors
I lived in things that were in season
And wanted to stay for no good reason

But that is where I can see
You waiting there, just for me
Your everywhere I have ever been
Always waiting till I come and then
You pick me up and set me right
And give me wings that give me flight

You’re always there like the best of friends
Walking with me till this world ends
I stare into your vast unknown
And I want for all to be known
By me and those I love the most
Until we cry out and in you boast

For what else is there that is ours
Than to boast in but your amazing powers
Which save and bring things to new life
And take away all pain and strife.
There is none other than you, Lord
That is worthy of such a great reward

Your word shines through me like a light
And sets my actions and plans right
If not for you and your amazing ways
I would be lost for all my days
I wish I could make it up to you
But all I can would never do

So I’ll take this day, and I’ll take the next
And live those all based on your text
Your amazing word that you sent to me
That shows me how I need to be
For there’s no other way that I know
Than to pray to you and seek to grow.

God,

You more than anyone, know my own heart.
You hear my own thoughts and know when I start,
To drift from your will and pick my own ways.
As I begin making the plans for my days.

I had not surrendered all unto you
I hold on to some things, and want to be new.
But you did not ask for most all of me.
You wanted it all, and now, that I see.

But I never expected that it would require
The one very thing, I so often desire.
To make my own plans and pick my own end
But I dont seem to know what’s around the bend.

Each day you surprise me with your amazing plan
And it makes me look back to where I would have ran.
I can finally see that you know what is better
So I am taking some time to write you this letter.

A letter to thank you for all that you’ve done
In protecting me from times when my flesh would have won
I cant thank you enough for all that you do
And all the things you’ve done that I never knew

Too often I try to jump to conclusions
About what you have for me, but its only illusions
I’m so very thankful that you use your kind hand,
To guide me through each day in this very strange land.

God, You are my world.

You are a rising sun.
You bring me a new hope in you.
You offer me the opportunity to become something amazing.
You warm me with your sight;
and give me the chance to start anew.

You are a cool breeze.
You refresh my very being.
You renew my body and soul.
You clear my mind;
and cause me to rejoice.

You are a strong foundation.
You allow me to become more than what I am.
You lift me up to show yourself to others.
You keep me true to who I am;
and never let me fall.

You are a mighty ocean.
You go deeper than I can fathom.
You run broader than I have ever reached.
You are more powerful than all of man combined;
and yet withhold your wrath from upon us.

You are a shining light.
You comfort me when I am scared.
You expose the unknown in me both good and bad.
You guide my feet;
and welcome me home.

You are a great forest.
You supply me when I build.
You bring me shade when I get weary.
You color the my land during fall season;
and create new life in me from old.

The Church has become more in love with her dowry than with Christ.
-Aaron Sachs

Oh my Bride,
I long to see your gaze upon me,
Yet you continuously glance at those around you.
I long to overflow your cup,
Yet you lift it to others to be filled.
I long to carry you up to unimagined heights,
Yet you fear leaving the ground you have lived on for so long.
I long to speak words of comfort and wisdom to you,
Yet you do not turn your ear to me.

Why do you distance yourself from me?
Have I not bled and died just for us to be together?
Do I not tug at your heart day to day and hour to hour?
What must I do to prove my love to you?

Oh my Bride,
I have given you a dowry without measure,
Yet you have fallen more in love with it than with me.
I have given you unshaking devotion,
Yet you hardly ever acknowledge me.
I have given you my name and the title of my Bride,
Yet you turn to commit adultery against me!
I have given you the chance to be a pure and spotless Bride,
Yet you continue to cover yourself in filth.

Is it selfish for a husband to desire the complete love of his wife?
What will it take to turn your eyes away from others?
Should I take away the dowry that I have given you?
Should I plague you until you return?

Please turn your eyes back to me.
My heart breaks for my lost Bride.